Never Meant To Be Mine
by Misha
Summary: Sam reflects on the woman who was never meant to be his.


Never Meant to Be Mine   
By Misha 

Disclaimer- These characters are the property of NBC, Aaron Sorkin, or whoever. I'm not writing this for profit in any way, shape, or form, but because I have a lot of spare time on my hands. 

Author's Notes- This came to me during class and I couldn't resist writing it. It's just a short, bittersweet piece from Sam's PoV. Well, that's all, enjoy! 

Rating- PG 

Spoilers- Everything up to Dead Irish Writers to be safe, I guess.   
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She was never meant to be mine, I always knew that. I knew that long before the traitorous feelings began. I knew that long before I began to love her. 

I still do not know when that happened. 

All I know is that it happened somewhere between my first becoming aware of her as more than Josh's assistant when she found me crying in a hotel room somewhere in Oklahoma because it was September and it should have been my wedding day, and me giving her comfort two years later when we were not sure whether or not Josh would live or die. 

That was the moment I knew, believe it or not. 

I know, it sounds wrong. I was waiting to hear whether or not my best friend would live or die and the most consistent thought running through my head was the fact that I loved the woman who is without a doubt the love of his life. 

For a while, I was about to convince myself that it was the right kind of love. That I loved her as a sister, as one loves their brother's wife, well the way one loves his brother's wife if he is not a candidate to appear on the Jerry Springer Show. That my love for her was not dangerous, that it was not going to hurt anyone. 

I deluded myself for a few months, until March and the thing with my dad and Stephanie Gault. When Donna comforted me and then later, as we all went to the bar and Donna tried to cheer me up with her usual sweetness, I realized that it was not the right kind of love. That I loved her the way I was not supposed to. 

I knew that there was no way I could ever act on that love, so I hoped that if I tried to forget it, it would go away. 

I did everything I could, but it was hard. It was hard for me to forget about my feelings for her. 

Especially as I watched her and Josh fall apart. 

That fragile, almost romance they had had for so long without even realizing, and which no one ever spoke of, somehow fell to pieces around them. 

Something happened, although I could not tell you what, that made the air between them so tense that you could cut it with a knife. It was as if suddenly everything had changed and they were just boss and assistant. 

For a moment, I thought about seizing the moment, especially as Josh became involved with Amy Gardner. 

But, I could not. 

Because it would not be right. Because Josh and Donna were meant for each other and everyone except them realized it. Because I knew that Josh was in love with Donna. That his relationship with Amy was just his way of dealing with whatever it was that had upset the balance of his relationship with Donna. 

So, I stayed quiet, wondering if they would ever get it together or if I even really wanted them to. 

But it did happen. 

Josh broke up with Amy and time repaired his relationship, until they were almost back to normal. 

Then, the night Bartlett won reelection, their relationship changed again, but in the way we all knew it would. I was there to see it. 

After the results came in, Josh threw his arms around her and pulled her towards him for an impulsive kiss. 

That moment changed them. It was as if suddenly, after five years, they had suddenly waken up to what everyone else had seen for so long. That they were in love and that they were meant for one another. 

It hurt to watch, but at the same time I knew it was right. That my feelings for her were not. That this was the way things were supposed to be. 

She and Josh were made for one another; It had gotten to the point where it was hard to imagine one without the other. I can not think of any two people more right for one another and I know that I could never damage that. 

So, I stayed where I had always been, in the background, just an observer of their love. 

I moved on. 

I let my unrequited love for Donna fade. In time it did. 

My heart was won by another gutsy blonde, this one with a Southern accent and the ability to kick my ass verbally. 

My love for Donna became what it should have always been, the love a man has for his sister, for the woman lucky enough to win his brother's heart. 

Because that is what Josh Lyman is to me, my brother in everything except blood, and Donna is his soul mate, his wife, the mother of his children. Just like Ainsley is mine. 

There is still a tiny piece of me that will always love Donna in another way. But it is better the way it is now, because it is the way it is supposed to be. The way I always knew it would be. 

After all, I always knew that she was never meant to be mine. 

The End 


End file.
